Tuesday, August 28, 2007

It's personal myself and I we have some straightening out to do...

UGH where do I start - I neglect my blog when Im stressed instead of pouring out my heart to it, which is what I should do.

I just found out (well last week anyway) that I will be leaving my assignment yet AGAIN... and it just doesn't seem fair that I can't no matter how hard I try and work seem to get into a full time PERMANENT position with this firm. And then trying to find a "real job" is just plain ridiculous! I have sent out resumes ontop of resumes and NOTHING not even one FUCK YOU!

Im trying to stay strong through this and think that things happen for a reason, but I just can't seem to figure out what that reason is right now.

Add that to a really long depressing weekend and well this month is ending for shit!
This year my dad being gone hit me pretty hard... I'm having to field questions from DD (4) like "where's your daddy?" and it just tore me up... this is the first year since he died that I really cried about it. Who knows maybe I'm the one finally coming to terms with it.

Oh yeah and lets not forget that she started pre-k this last week as well - yet another "my little girl is growing up" milestone... what's next???

I think I just need some prozac... if I can't get that well then I'll take my Pat O'brians hurricanes and a fun night out to get my mind off things.

There are other things going on that I won't air on my blog that are just adding to my thoughts...

Im really loving Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry..." it's fitting this month...

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Im not sure why I have this blog... I hardly can think of anything to write - and when I do rarely do I write about it.

I know why I started it. Someone said something about me on her blog and I was MAD... MAD MAD - not just the not talk to you for a few days mad I mean I want nothing to do with you EVER again mad.

I've always had a hard time making real friends - I tell it like it is. If I don't like who you're dating I'll tell you so. That doesn't mean I won't be nice and civil and social if we're all out together. But I'll tell you how I really feel. I'm a smart ass as well. I have tons of aquaintences that I hang out with on a social level. But honestly I only have about 3 or 4 good friends.

I used to get upset that I wasn't part of the "in crowd" the ones that got all the attention etc. I was passing aquaintences with a few that were in that circle but overall I kept to myself. Again it used to bother me. Now - not so much. Im learning that those 3 or 4 really good friends that have stuck by me through it all are the ones that matter. They are the ones that I can count on!

I'm also beginning to feel very comfortable with myself. Not so much my physical appearance (im working at that) but my confidence level is growning some. I feel like I have a better grasp at who I am and who I want to "grow up" to be.

I just hope that I can raise my daughter to see that each of us was made differently and it doesn't matter if someone is short, tall, fat, skinny or even if they have some sort of physical or mental disability we all have feelings and needs. And maybe all that person needs is a good friend.